Retreat

Retreat from what? No, I went for a weekend retreat, whereby lots of quiet time is spent alone, reflecting. I went for the Beginning Experience.

It was a self-discovery that I needed for so long. I had prayed to God for so long, about whether I am still accepted as a catholic if I were divorced, and I got the answer through this retreat. I found that there were many who were in similar or worse situations than me and they are coping, still being loved by God. They, still embracing God's love.

I thought my tears had dried up four years ago but more just poured throughout the weekend. I thought I had managed my own closure but this, is my official closure. This may not be the end, even after I have had closure but I now know tat I am armed with the right emotional tools to move on and to cope with what' to come.

God seemed to have answered my prayer on New Year's day. I went for mass and found this brochure with this very bold headline "Single Again?" I picked it up with trembling hands and read what it had to offer.

At first, I thought that it was not so suitable for me and that there will be lots more of those people who have lost a loved one through death. I took the brochure and re-read it several times over. I sat in front of the grotto and cried. Discreetly of course, as that place is in full view of anyone going to and from church.

I put it off for a long while as I felt, I was not sure I had the courage to go through it. Two weeks ago, I saw another big poster reminding me of the BE weekend and it said that it was going to be from 14-16 March. That was God's way of asking me to call and find out more.

I still hate makig cold calls and yet, I did it. After I called up and found that they only have two weekends a year, I decided there and then to go for this weekend. I wanted to treat it like another holiday for myself, which it was. The Canossian Convent was beautiful.

I thought I had no more tears to cry and all that crying had been done four years ago. The weekend brought on fresh ones that were either suppressed for too long or newly found. My eyes were like ping-pong balls at the end of it all.

I went to the retreat with no expectations and yet I came away from it with so much more. I made a lot of new friends, some of whom are going through much worse situations than me, and I am more emotionally equipped to help myself move on from here.

I am ready for MY beginning.