Empty stomache and dreams

I will try not to go to bed on an empty stomache if I can help it. Told you that I went out to have dinner with friends last night right? Well...I was not very full. At the point of time when I have just finished my meal, I was though but I knew I ate a little less than normal. Nevertheless, I thought I should do it for the sake of becoming slimmer.

I was also left a little unsatisfied that day as we were supposed to go for karaoke from 11am to 6pm. It was then cancelled as we had too few people singing. The question of singing popped up again during dinner as we did have quite enough people, but some of them were leaving early and we were back to square one. No K.


When I reached home, I was SOoooo tempted to reach for that packet of Myojo Char Mee. I stopped myself from doing it. Went to bed.

Bad idea. I had two bad dreams intertwined into one. First, I dreamt that I was singing in a KTV room with friends/colleagues, but somehow, I never got my turn. Then this KTV room was real weird as it was a bit badminton hall like. There were only seats on the side and there was no shelter in the middle (don't ask me why). Halfway through singing, it even started to rain!

There was a big 'ze char' place (cheaper version of restaurant food) and yet, I was not allowed to go outside and eat! When I passed it earlier to go into the KTV room, I saw all that crab and food that was being served up and I was totally salivating!!!!

I must have been so hungry that the desire to eat had been translated into a dream. Hahahahaha.............!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When did we become like strangers

My housemate cum long time school mate and friend is now happily married. As with all new beginnings, there must be an end. Sort of.

I had dinner with her, her spouse (who is also my friend) her sis (who is also now my friend) and another friend. We are still close, we are still alright, but I must say that some things are just not the same anymore. In my own language, she has crossed over. Although she is nice enough to not make it obvious, her priorities have shifted and our dynamics area little different.

I was there before. I crossed over the earliest. It was a lonely place and my friends did not make it much easier by playing the exclusivity game: "You are married now, you can't this, you can't that...it is not suitable for you..."

The least I can do for her now is to NOT make her feel like that. We are humans even after marriage OK? Who said that once you are married that you cannot go movies with girlfriends after you are married? Who said you cannot club once yo have a baby? I think as long as you ensure that somebody is looking after your baby and that you do not do it too often, it is fine to have fun!

I am happy for her, as long as she is happy, but I must also know when to take my bow and take a back seat. It is time, for some me-time.

Love: myself

Just like brain conditioning, I need to tell myself that I love myself, and that I am OK with living with myself.

Sometimes it's hard and sometimes, I wonder if I have really lost it, as I am living in my own idealistic, perfect world, where there is no hurt, no pain and that there is love all around. Oh yeah! I also happen to be in a very stable relationship in that very idealistic world of mine.

Then I wonder if I it is too unhealthy for me, when I do get out from that idealistic world and have to rely on sad love songs to suppress my pain. I can actually become depressive if I indulge myself too much in those sappy sad love songs.

I try to be happy. I put on nice clothes to be happy. I put on nice make-up to be happy, I go out with friends to be happy and I make them think I am happy. Hell! I sometimes make myself believe that I AM happy. But at the end of the day, most of my friends have their siblings to go home with, have their boyfriends to send them home with or have their spouses to go home with.

Me, I go home alone, sometimes I walk to my car alone, I drive on the road alone and like the clown in the circus, I look into the mirror and remove that make-up and wonder, " why did I put all that make-up for?"

It's not as if I can cover the unhappiness, the loneliness and the quiet sadness. It is not as if, with the make-up remover and water, I can wipe and wash away all that sorrow and pain that is kind of stubbornly still embedded somewhere, refusing to be totally cleansed from the body.

No, at that moment, when I look into the mirror, there is this feeling of void. As I do not really know how to feel anymore. I do not know what is love anymore and therefore, the void look. I do not know whether to laugh or cry anymore as I am stuck in the situation of awkwardness. A situation of not knowing whether, it is good to be alone or bad to be alone.

Yes, I think I am slowly realising that solitude is here to stay. It knocks on my door everyday, but I refuse to let it in. By not letting it in, I am also not letting myself in. For it is in letting myself in that I can love myself, such that I can then be with myself.

BANG!

I have been driving a lot lately. This is because I can't seem to wake up in time to catch the bus to work. I will need to adjust my sleeping time again.

The thing is, after my incident with another vehicle, I have been imagining how my car would feel if it were flying off the road or if I were to bang into another vehicle head on. There was even one night when I dreamt that I banged, head on, onto a little girl standing right in front of my car.

I hope this will never happen.

Was is my mind telling me? What do all these dreams and thoughts mean? I don't really know. All I know is that right now, I need lots of positiv to keep myself alive.

Allergy agony

Well, I guess the day has finally come whereby I am allergic to something. I think this is because I have been eating too much medicine.

Had an ENT (ear, nose, throat) infection again and the doctor behind my house, gave me the same old medicine of enhancine. It is an antibiotic and I have taken it before. Previously, there would be tell-tale sign of red patches, which I suspected to be rashes but brushed it off, as my then supervisor told me that if there was an allergy to medicine, it is usually an outbreak.

I mean, the medicine label itself did say to stop if rashes appear. Two nights ago, I developed rashes on my cleavage! Of all places!!! It is one of the most uncomfortable places and one of the places that I DO NOT want any rashes. I want to show it off. Not hide it! Plus, it being a squashed up area does not help as it aggravates the situation (no ventilation = more itchiness = more scratches..and the cycle begins again).

Then I found that both my upper arms started to show tell-tale signs too. Last night was sleeping hell as I attempted not to think of the itch and not to scratch it. It was futile. I had to go back to my good old GP who gave me medication to stop all that itch and the rash.

She did warn me that one of them was drowsy medicine. Alas! I underestimated the power of the medicine for I was like a total zombie for the whole of today.

Opera by the Park

Almost forgot to blog about this: Went to the Opera by the Park session at the Botanical Gardens last Saturday. It was lovely! Me and two other girlfriends went. One of them was still at work and so I met up with the other to get our picnic stuff ready.

Bought mortadella paprika ham and black pepper beef pastrami for meat and emmental cheese that suited everyone's taste. A punnet of cherry tomatoes, two bottles of water and a can of ASAHI rounded up the day's menu for dinner. Oh! Not forgetting the all-important baguette.

I was a little worried about having to 'reserve' grass patches since there will be many people attending. My worry was unfounded because there was so much land in this big garden. What I had forgotten is how small their car park can be. We almost did not get a parking space and by the time we parked, the show was one quarter gone.

Nevertheless, we went on about our own business, spreading our picnic mat and food and eating away while waiting for the other friend to arrive. She too, got stuck in the parking traffic. By the time she came, the concert was over. But we happily offered to sing for her (no really, just joking).

We did not leave till the moon was hung up high and we fed a stray cat that happened to pass by. Having not chatted enough, we even proceeded for desserts and when we parted, we promised to meet again for more good food and good times.

Ah....! That is life. Simple and yet, delightful all at once.

Tres heureuse (or very happy in French)

If you are wondering whether I am dead or alive, this is prove that I am still breathing.

Just that the past week has been a steep learning curve for me at my new place and even though it is a half day affair, the other half is spent lying flat on the bed like a dead fish. Yes, this present job zaps up lots of my energy but I am beginning to get used to it. Just wondering what will happen when I do start school and have to juggle several things at one go.

This past week was also a week that I did something that I had not done for a very long time: buy a present. It was a little ironical as I used to find buying presents a chore; something that I dreaded to do year in, year out. Perhaps that was because I had no idea what to get. This present however, was specifically told to me by the recipient. That really helped me a lot. Only thing left for me to do is to narrow down to the brand and the designs.

After buying the present, there was the strange excitement of choosing the right wrapping paper, the right type of birthday card and such. There was excitement in the air around me, if you catch my drift. I was feeling all bubbly and giggly all at once, as if I was back in Secondary school or something.

I have not felt like that for a very long time. Mental note to self: buy more presents in the future. No, not only that, it had to be sincere. It had to come from the heart.

The excitement and slight anxiety continued all the way home when I had a little bit of trouble wrapping the gift. You see, I am not a fantastic craft maker. Any such previous attempts at crafts of any kind were fluke shots that happened to look OK. Ha!

Barely managed with the wrapping and had to draft out what to write in the card before actually penning it down. There was a sense of self satisfaction once all that was done.

The results were super satisfactory. Recipient was tres happy with the present, tres happy with the card and tres happy with the wrapping paper (did not say about the wrapping though...hehehe...). I was happy that recipient was happy.

BRAZIL!

No, I am not talking about soccer, although I would really want to catch the Eurocup from semi-finals onwards.

Just that on Tuesday, I successfully dragged 5 other friends out to eat at Brazil Churrascaria at Sixth Avenue. The meats were much nicer than those at Carnivore (Chijmes) and the salad bar was a much bigger stretch.

With good company, good food and good beer (hoegaarden), we ate the night away! Plus, we had flirty good waiters too! Kekeke..... Enjoyed flirting back with them. It added to the whole dining experience anyway :)

I think, once I have detoxed enough, I will go back there again for more meat!

Food

Yesterday was one hell of a whirlwind day. Went out to shop for some presents for friends together with Spacecake and then we proceeded to have dinner at Wasabi Tei at Far East Plaza. We were too late for the first sitting and had to wait almost 40 minutes to get a seat.

There are only bar stools and it's a chop-chop eat, chop-chop go kind of place. Don't bother about service, as they do not charge for service at all. I barely ate my last mouthful of watermelon before the bill was shoved at my face. That's quick service.

Food was super yumi-licious. The salmon sashimi was of the right temperature, allowing one to taste the freshness of the fish. My portion of unagi (eel) was so huge, I had to gorge myself a little in order not to waste it. We were both suitably satisfied after that.

When I went home, there was news about a certain someone that I liked and I stopped breathing for about 1 second before my heart beat went normal again. My suspicion of him going together with my friend had been confirmed. There was a dull ache a small numbing experience and that was that.

I think that women's instincts should not be ignored. The only thing is that we women must use our instincts to our advantage and not to chase our loved ones away by being overly suspicious. OK, that was me in my past life.

At the same time that I felt sadness, there was lots of warmth, care and concern from friends near and far. My friend from China msn-ed me and we chatted for awhile. Another friend was also chatting with me about relationships and such online. I am thankful towards friends like that.

Po!

It has been a tiring day of entertaining, fun and chit chatting. Not really going into Rayee's first month celebration yet, but just wanted to say that Po of Kung Fu Panda fame is sooooooo cute! At the same time, it's a little scary too for he reminds me of my housemate's husband. The way he talks and how clumsy he is, is so like my housemate's husband.

Anyway, if you want a good laugh and stress reliever, go watch this. Oh! I also thought that the one who dubbed Po's father sounded like the guy who always acts as triad boss in movies and television. I was right!

Happy weekend!

It has been a truly busy week. I am physically and mentally drained. There were good and bad stuff. I guess the good stuff 'over-ruled' the bad ones, so it is OK.

Meeting up with friends later to watch Kung Fu Panda and tomorrow, going for nephew Rayee's first month celebration. It is not quite his first month yet, but his mummy wanted it to coincide with a Sunday to make it more convenient for everyone.

Children: Angels or devils?

Children. You never really think too much about them until you come into contact with them. For my case though, it was more like, I thought I knew a lot already about them and then I find that I discover lots more about them with each and every growing day.

My new job (although I really should not be talking too much about it) has allowed me to do things that I would usually do before. When I first heard that there was such a thing as bath time and nap time, I did an Ally McBeal roll eyes. Bathe them? you mean literally bathe them?? My mind went into panic mode.

Turns out my kids are already bath trained and can do so themselves. Phew! The only thing is that the boys like to play with water and I would have to check in on them once in while. You know, even at 6 years old, these boys know what it is like to be shy. Kekeke.... What I do is to make a quick entrance and exit so that they do not feel so immobilised by my presence.

Then there was nap time. All my life (I mean when I was young), I was patted by mum to sleep. Never have I patted anyone else as I do not have any younger siblings. This time round, I need to pat some of my kids to sleep. This was quite some experience.

I observed from the way that they lay out their mattresses, how needy or insecure a child is. They would need bolsters and even a stuffed toy and usually, they need to be patted to sleep. These are also usually the 'naughty' ones. I really feel for these kids for I think they pine and crave lots of attention from their parents and because they are not getting enough of it, they act up in their daily lives. They are the ones that need more love and care.

The kids are still feeling the lost of their teacher, who have been with them since they were 3 years old. The boys express it through their actions. They become a little rebellious. The girls are the one who can verbalise it and tell me that they miss their teacher. Different development stages and different ways of expressing.

At this point of time, I can only say that I am blessed with pretty well-behaved children. I am only hoping that I will be able to control them when I start teaching, formerly. They still see me as the lady who owns all those books. Hahaha! Sweet! :)

People for people?

One of my colleagues used to tell me that it was not easy being an HR personnel as she used to be one. I did not really believe her then, but I think I do now.

Although I am still shrouded by the mystery of what they do (they just recruit and maintain everybody's pofile. What's so difficult about that?!) I do believe that they are the heart and soul of the company. Their roles are so important that they HAVE the right to be stressed.

I truly believe that if an HR department is good, it can sell a company very well, even if the management may be just so-so.

On the contrary, a bad HR department can really spoil a company's reputation. Can you imagine an HR department that does not care and leaves one to fend for oneself? That would be quite a disaster.

That said though, they are only humans themselves and for those bad HR personnels, maybe it's time they asked themselves whether they are in the right line of representing people. For in this business of people, you must like people. No?

Disappointed

I never used to think that I would be able to imagine what a person who has just lost his or her limbs would be like. I kind of felt it at my work place. Not the new one but the old one.

I am not going to go too much further about it except to say that I was very disappointed at some point. It also feels strange when people start treating you a little like a leper simply because your status has changed. Come to think of it, I should be used to it because I was at this stage once in my personal life. When I just got separated. Although that was quite a lot like my own perception of how people see me.

This time, is slightly different: it was admin and stuff. The do s and the don't s. The 'walls' I was banging into, that made me feel like that. I guess this is to prepare me for when I really become a divorcee and then being treated like a leper again.

Well, enough said, before I get into trouble. As the saying goes, what does not kill you can only make you stronger. I shall live by that for now.

Sleeping beauty

What did I do yesterday? As you might have guessed from the title of my post, I slept. And slept...and slept...the whole day. Until I could not get to sleep at night.

Did not get out of the house at all. Figured that would be a good way to save money. Was going to go out to lunch with Dad except that he refused to drive the car down to Maxwell Market. I would have taken public transport with him if it was not nearly 1pm and I was hungry as a horse (did I use the right expression?). What was worse was that I was having a craving for meatball porridge after watching this tourism show that showed the hosts eating bowls of beautifully-cooked porridge in Macau.

In the end, I ended up cooking dumplings at home. Eat, watch tv, sleep, wake up, watch tv, eat and attempt to sleep some more. Such a pig. Won't be having such good life soon. Besides, something's nagging at the back of my mind. Something about Wednesday tells me that I might just drop from over-exhaustion :)

Over the weekend

Friday...more quiet solitude

Went to watch Iron Man, finally. On my own. Never felt better. There was premature happiness that Kelly might join me after my movie (since she called me and messaged me halfway into my movie. Did the despicable thing of sms-ing during the show).

However, when I called her back after the show, there was no reply. Messaged her, no reply. I walked on to my next favourite past time: HMV CD-listening. Found this treasure of a CD having 100 of those all-time favourite TV theme songs! These included Growing Pains, Sesame Street, Melrose Place, Cheers and more. Funny thing was that they did not have Charles in Charge, which somehow got stuck in my head after all these years.

After 10.30pm, I headed for my car with said satisfied purchase. I had to avoid that stupid ERP (money sucking gigantic toll machine that works till then). I know, I did say I would be able to spend less by going into town less, but I consider this minimal purchase. I guess our 'friends' from the LTA (those guys responsible for this ERP thingy) must have been looking from the other side of the coin: The longer you stay in town, the more you spend.

I also kind of understand now, why Dad used to plan and be so calculative about ERP gantry points and parking places. It was quite tricky for me going into town for the ERP rate goes from $1.50 to $2.00 at 6.00pm. The $1.50 charge is only from 5.30pm to 5.59pm.

However, my per entry charge for the car park only starts at 6.00pm. Timing must be real accurate and as luck was on my side, I was able to save some money. Plus I also managed to search out the car park that has the cheapest rate without making me feel like it is a dangerous place to park (read: Far East Plaza car park).

Saturday...meeting with friends

Went for lunch at Pasta Cafe and I must say, I am impressed with their Parma prosciutto parmigiana pasta. Light and tasty. Reminds me a little of the one that I had in Melbourne on Degraves Street but that one had stir-fried rockets with it, which made it extra fragrant. A slightly different taste.

Wanted to watch Kung Fu Panda at night but as it was the weekend and school holidays, all tix were sold out. SOLD OUT!!!! I absolutely hate GV. OK, make it a love-hate relationship. Anyway, it is not my first choice of cinema when it comes to movies.

Ended up shopping and then heading to Chinatown to this very un-assuming coffee shop selling Sichuan and Northern China food fare. It had those Sichuan barbecue skewers which were tres delicious and there other stuff that were really good too! Didn't take any pics as I was real hungry but promise to do so the next time.

Took a look at the name of the shop and directly translated, it means "China Restaurant". In Chinese, it is 中国餐厅. Will be back there soon.

Sunday...wedding days and rainy days

The sky threatened to rain, but alas! It did not. Was going to go cycling with some colleagues after attending another colleague's wedding (will talk about wedding in the next post maybe), but because the sky was so threatening that we decided to call it off. What a pity. Could have gone ahead anyway and enjoyed a less crowded East Coast Parkway.

Went home to sleep some more and watched McBride on Hallmark Channel. Lurrve the mystery solving crap and the suspense crap too. Keeps me on my toes, sort of.

Well, I am actually really nervous about my new job and am trying hard not to think too much about it. Will face it tomorrow. For now, it is snooze time.

SATC

Oh!!! Before I forget to blog this down, I am so happy that the library played such a big part in Sex and the City movie. She actually borrowed books from the New York Public Library and wanted to hold her wedding there!

COOL!

Irritating to the core

Let me rewind a bit further and attempt to make you understand why I was so muffed with my dinner. Before that, I was already quite cheesed off by a par-timer.

My habit is to go to the ladies before I go home. Nothing wrong with that. Everybody does that. The only problem is that this *&$%@#$ woman always, and I mean always irritates the hell out of me, by either attempting to open the toilet door without knocking and then exclaim, " Aiyo, somebody's in there, ah?"

Or in this particular instance, kept standing right outside the toilet door, saying, "Quick, quick, quick" in Mandarin. She even went to the extent of asking silly questions such as "It is not you ah, ABC? I thought you were inside."

DUH!!! You are talking to the person herself. How can she then be in the toilet. I find that downright rude. If she so urgently wanted to use the ladies, she should have queued up in the first place. NO! She went into the brochure store room to change and expect the toilet to be free for her usage when she comes out.

I have put up with it for far too long and this time, I told her off. I said, "Don't keep asking me to be quick outside the toilet door. I will be even slower. Whatever pee I have would have all gone because of what you said. I will take even longer."

I think I was already quite polite. For one, I just feel it is common sense not to stand right outside the toilet door (our door has got louvres) lest you want to smell the 'aroma'. For seconds, I just think it is plain RUDE to be pestering people like that. If she were a kid, I would have half a mind to slap her, but she is not and I have to respect that.

Well, that was my prelude to mee pok disaster.

Stupid Mee Kia Man!

Was really hungry right? So I went to East Link Food Court to eat. Decided to eat Mee Pok Dry.

For those of you who cannot fathom what mee pok is, just think of Italian pasta. Mee pok is actually the Chinese version of fettucini. After all, I do believe that Marco Polo borrowed our idea from the Far East.

I ordered mee pok dry (this means tossed in chilli, vinegar and other such stuff. I specified that I wanted only a bit of chilli and lots more vinegar.

The cook was so busy chatting and gossiping to this fat-arse plump woman (really, she used her bum to push me out of the way instead of using her golden mouth to say 'excuse me') that he conveniently got my order mixed up. He gave me mee kia instead. In pasta terms, this would be angel hair (or capelli d'angelo).

I was so pissed. I was fuming mad. I wanted him to make a new bowl for me, but I had to learn to be less fussy and I had to think about those people who did not have food to eat. I decided to take it, but not before I showed my displeasure. I told him and his work partner, "I ordered mee pok leh!" (glare at him). "Forget it!"

I turned and walked away. After taking the first mouthful, I really did not want to continue eating. It did not taste like it had vinegar at all. I decided to brin the whole bowl of mee pok back and ask for some more. Actually, I had an Ally McBeal moment again. I wanted to splosh the whole bowl of noodles in his face, but of course, I was more civilised than that.

I remembered this shop as the one which refused to give lots of vinegar as they have their own set ways and thinking as to how much vinegar one should consume. I think it is just a way cut cost anyway. Which why I stopped buying from them anyway. To borrow a from Celine Dion's song, "..it's all coming back to me now."

This time though, the cook poured the vinegar with a vengeance. He thought he was going to 'kill' me with all that vinegar, while I grinned he did not know that I was the vinegar queen. I was in glee as I watched the liquid guzzling down the noodles.

The stall is called "Mee Kia Noodle Shop" and I SWEAR I will not go back there again.

Even as I bitch about how people mess up my order, I have this secret quirk that makes me think, that if I continue to be so fussy with food, I will not find my dream guy. Ha!

What a busy day!!!!

It is only 2 days into freedom from work and I am already super busy!

I went to my new workplace to take a look and to have a feel of things. I am really quite worried but I am still sticking to my decision. The kids were lukewarm at first and they were looking at me like I was an iguana in the display cage at the zoo. Slowly though, they warmed up after I started helping them out with their work. The girls were faster warm-uppers. They could not stop chatting with me.

By 2pm, I was in this in-the-middle-of-nowhere place to attend an information session about the course I wanted to take. For someone who is the marketing manager for an educational institution, she had really bad pronunciation and English grammar. I was so irked by her half the time that I nearly did not get in half the things she said.

Plus, she was such a bad marketeer. I understand that you want to sell your idea across to the people who came to listen but crafting it in such a way that it answers your patrons' questions is very important. She just seemed to go round and round.

Let me show you one example of her bad English: " Any pre-school centres in the world-wide(s) will tell you..." , "Even the children should be know what Queen(s) of England and UK are" and "Thumbs of rule is..." (when it should be rule of thumb). She even told us that she studied in the States. Shame, shame!

Did not like the tone she used with us either. It was like teacher talking to small kids and the sort who talks down to people, but I kind of concluded that it was her style, her nature. Her way of making the school sound prestigious.

There was an Iranian lady among the listeners too and boy! Did they have a bad time communicating. I am just wondering how this Iranian lady can become a teacher in the future since her level of understanding was such that they spent a good 10 minutes figuring each other out. Well, I blame it partially on that marketing manager too. For if her grammar was good enough and she was straight to the point, she would have been easily understood.

At 4pm, I rushed off to work night shift and thanks to Carls Jr in the afternoon, I was not that hungry. Counter first before food later after work.

I don' think I have taken so much bus in a day for a very long time! Today, I walked and took the bus so much that I would lose one 'tyre'.

My dream car is really going to become just a dream car soon?

Now for the not so good news: The radio station that my dad has been working part-time for will be closing soon. Without the extra income from RSI, he is seriously considering selling away the car.

As you might have read somewhere in my blog before, the car is my baby. It really pains me to even think that it is going to be sold away, but with me not having a full-time job and dad having less income coming in, I am faced with the reality that we might have to sell the car away soon. This, to me, is a very grievious matter.

Like I said before (and a lot of my friends have heard this) this Mazda 3 is my baby, my dream car. I know, I know, there are the porsches and the Lotus Esprits, but being the practical me, this would be it.

I am just really upset...and sad.

Sex and the city

There are happy things and not so happy things that happened today.

Happy things first: Went to watch Sex and the City with friend. Man! The show is realy long: 2.5 hours! I wanted to die trying to control my pee! Although I never did really like Carrie Bradshaw, I felt I had to watch this movie. After all, I had free movie vouchers to go watch! So why not?

Find the things that the 'girls' were talking about and the issues that they were facing were a little cliche or maybe, I am too jaded to feel the feeling of love.

We had a fulfilling dinner at Shokudo while people-watching. Nice to hang out with girl friend like that. A bonus for us was when a lone Aussie sat almost next to our table and dined alone. Pure eye candy.

The funny part was when we were parting to go home. I wanted to head for the bus stop when my girl friend reminded me that I actually drove today. Hahaha! Silly me.

Everything is falling into place

Strange as it might sound, my life seem to be smooth sailing like never before.

I have managed to juggle my job and after sending out an enquiry to the place I wanted to take my new course at, they have come to me with news of a briefing that I could attend and find out more for myself and possibly register for the course. The briefing is this Wednesday. A very short notice but I guess it is OK. Anything to help me advance in my future career.

Even the tarot card email that I receive (and I know I should not be believing in all that already) said that I have the World Card. "It is a card of triumph, recognition for all your hard work and effort, or reward after a period of struggle and challenge."

This tarot website is scarily almost always true. I am not going to say which website it is as I am not supposed to advocate such things in my religion, but it is just that it did help me in times when I felt real lousy. Now, I believe in the One up there in heaven.

Friend bonding session

After family time in the afternoon, went out to have dinner with my ex-permanent colleague...kekeke. Went to Ramen Ten as it was halal. Got treated...feel so touched.

Only cumbersome thing was that I was wearing my rainboots from earlier. When I went out in the afternoon, the sky was threatening to rain. Anyway, go to show off my rainboots :) One of my colleagues who happened to like anything pink just went 'berserk' when she saw my rainboots.

There was supposed to be another colleague who was supposed to join us but she had night duties and we planned for another "girly meet-up" session. I hope that will be many more such sessions. Looking forward to the next one already :)

Another lazy afternoon

Spent a nice afternoon with my dad. We took a bus to Suntec City, ate lunch and went to the World Book Fair.

During lunch, we talked about health and stuff coz my fourth uncle has been in hospital and has lost the quality of life. He is on dialysis and such and sometimes drifts in and out of consciousness due to his diabetes. Sugar level too low, faint, sugar level too high, also faint.

Dad has diabetes too, and he used to eat out of vengeance, at least to me, he was like that. He would eat the things that mum and I tell him not to. Lately though, I think he has gotten the message. With two older brothers dead and one in such condition, he has decided to be socially responsible to himself, and to his family. He saw how my fourth aunt and the kids are suffering, having to sacrifice time to go to and from the hospital, I think he finally got the picture. I am glad we did this chat.

Now, my turn to be socially responsible to myself and to my family. I am not exactly young and I really should look out for the types of food that I eat. Enough said. I wll update if I do succeed in changing my diet.

New cable set top box

Yippeeeee!!!

The new hubstation just arrived today! What is that, you ask? Well, it is a set top box for our cable channels. It is an enhanced thingy coz we can now record directly and not have to worry about poor vision and muffled sounds coming from the videotape.

Yes, my family still believes in videotapes even after I have impressed upon them to get a DVD re-recordable player. Dad is not a big fan of new technology. He thinks it is too expensive and secretly, I know another reason: he does not want to learn how to use new technology.

Luckily this hubstation came about and it will make our lives all much easier. We can now record one programme on one channel and then watch another programme on another. Previously, we had to put Post-its on the cable set top box when we are recording, so that nobody could change the channel and mess it up.

Plus, with this new 'toy', I am finally able to surf the Net in peace. I was not able to connect to the Net on my Dad's Internet modem as the technician has just confirmed today that that particular modem is a super old model, ie would not be able to work with newer tech-ie toys. I can also save heaps by not having to buy a router or wireless set. Happiness!

Quiet solitude

After work yesterday, there were no plans with friends. Decided to walk to church from work place and exercise a little.

Dinner was spent alone at my favourite food court stall: Manna Korean. Little glitch was that the lady forgot to sprinkle sesame seed and spring onions on my barbecue chicken. I stood there waiting for her to do it and she stood there waiting for me to leave the stall. It was quite a funny situation.

I walked away eventually, realising that I am actually quite a person of habit. I remember being a little peeved, but calmed myself down by saying it was no big deal, that things like that happen. I have to remind myself to take things easy and not to take things too seriously.

It's been a long time since I have eaten alone, and the feeling is not that bad. As I ate, I reminisced about stuff I said to Kelly earlier on on MSN. She was lamenting about how nobody wants her (again, in joking manner) when I told her that I have accepted the fact that I will be alone for awhile. It is this strange feeling, this acceptance. Perhaps it is because I am on the road to freedom (after my house is sold and I am going to file for divorce).

I feel much more settled and at ease with myself. Perhaps, I am starting to look inward (as one of my friend from far away land has shared with me) and am really starting to love myself.

Previous times that I told myself and everyone else that I was loving myself? Bull crap. I was just saying it, but not really doing it. Didn't really put it into action. Now though, I am really going to put in some effort.

After dinner, thought I would do some last-minute shopping to get my colleagues some things to thank them for all the times that we have worked togeher, but you know what? I COULD NOT FIND ANYTHING!

I walked the whole of Tampines Mall and I could not find anything. I was so tempted to go buy make-up and facial stuff again, but had to remind myself that I had a whole pile waiting to be used at home. Mentally stopped myself :P Had to tell myself that it is not only money I a wasting but the world's resources if I do buy anymore.

Last day

Today is my official last day at work.

The interesting bit is that I will become a part-timer from tomorrow onwards. I have not really finished packing my stuff at my workstation and I have asked my colleague to allow me to go back and take my stuff tomorrow. I guess, after almost eight years,it is a bit difficult.

Was supposed to pack up everything yesterday but was in a little bit of self-denial that I will be back. Plus the threatening sky of grey gave me the perfect excuse not to shift anything from building to car.

The fact is, I will be back. For conducting certain programmes and stuff, but I really do not know for how long. Yesterday, everything was also more or less finalised for my new job. I once again had this great sense of gratitude. Gratitude towards the people who have helped me get the job and gratitude towards God who has guided me so much and helped me carry my cross such that I am not too burdened.

My soon-to-be new colleague had told me that her principal fought hard for me to work there as she saw the potential in me even though I do not have the necessary qualifications (yet).

There were many questions by many colleagues. Some asked why I did not wait till the bonus came. My reply is always standard: " I have waited and seen too many bonuses come and go. I think it is time to say go, and then go."

Others simply asked why I wanted to leave. You want my true answer? My true answer is that there is no one true answer. There are many reasons why I wanted to leave.

These questions by these colleagues do make me think twice a little, but, in a way, I am glad that I have made such a decision. It is time for me to see the world! Kekekeke!