Rejection

I was just walking along the roads, on my way from City Hall MRT station to Dhoby Ghaut, wanting to save some money and yet doing some form of exercise, when I thought to myself: I reject men first before they can reject me.

My fear of rejection by men is so great that I reject them first. Even the man on the street is not let off. Some man may just give a simple look and sometimes close to a stare and I a quick to say that they are such animalistic creatures that anything in skirt would attract them. Sometimes, come to think of it, being looked at can be a compliment. The stares may not always be good intentions but at least, most of the time, you realise that you have become a topic for the guys' conversations. That of course, is a bit of a vanity, but my point is, at least you are being noticed.

Any guy that might seem like potential date material? I would try to find as much incompatibility as possible, or as many of his bad habits as possible to ensure that I will not fall for him.

The ultimate fear of rejection is of course, not being the first one to make the move and ask if the other would want to be my boyfriend. I think that would take a whole century for me to do that now. Why? Because I have been rejected before. Even that used to be quite a shameful thing that I would never really admit to many.

Why admit it now? Because I see no reason to hide in that shell anymore. That doesn't mean I will make the first move, but at least now I know why I reject guys most of the time.