Confession

The act of contrition has gone through my mind at least a thousand times. I was so afraid that I was going to forget some parts that I started memorising like two weeks before penitential service.

I also went through the whole process of making a confession and was really thankful that Catholic News had a step-by-step guide on how to make one. I used to chuck it aside as I was really petrified of going to one, having to sit in a room (I haven't actually tried that) or sit next to a priest and 'fess up all your siins.

I was really determined to go though, even though many have told me that it between me and God and a priest recently told me that I do not have to go through it if I did not want to, but I felt that I must face my fear.

For the whole week, I searched heart and soul (ok, not really but it was close) to see what I have done wrong and can 'fess up. It came to the point like I was going to write an essay: "keep it to three points", I told myself.

I almost did not make it for pennitential service again. Like chicken out, you know? That is what I am really good at sometimes. I wanted to give the excuse that it was raining and I had to send my Dad to the community club for his weekly lessons with his students that I had to miss it. Lame.

I pushed myself to go still. The starting out time from home was later than I planned and usually, if this happens, I would rather not go out in the end. I forced myself to though.

Surprise, surprise! I got there and was early! I was greeted by wardens and was given a pamphlet on how to make a good confession and I sat down. I was half expecting mass to start for this was what happened when I attended SFX and if I remember correctly, St Anne's too. Nothing.

Then I heard someone tell her friend that the area I was sitting at was for one to make confessions in Mandarin. Oops! So I moved to the only obvious choice, Father Loisseau (which, if I remember correctly, means bird in French and he is indeed French). Can't go wrong for I don't think he speaks Mandarin.

I realised that this was just going to be people making confessions and that's that. There was no mass to go with, just queueing up to go for confession. As usual, there is a group of people who could not stop talking or making noise. This time, it was father and daughter!!! They could not stop talking and the mother/wife was obviously embarrassed by their actions.

Many a time did I want to turn back and tell them, "Do you mind??? You are in the house of God. Respect it! And are you not suppose to be reflecting upon your sins and not be talking?"

I stopped myself from doing this for it would just go to show how intolerant I am. I was even more amused when daughter started talking about PSP with her Dad and how the Dad said something about not getting it for her anymore. IT IS after all the season of Lent. You are supposed to give up something that you like very much, for example, refrain from buying such material stuff as PSP. I am in great wonderment as to why the Dad was not a role model for his child and has joined in her senseless bantering and how he has not corrected her ideas of Lent. Worrying.

Well, the only consolation is that I do not need to say a word for God will be theirjudge and to each his own. They eventually quietened down to very hushed whispers (not that they were not speaking in hushed tones before).

As for my confession? The priest did not even ask me to recite the act of contrition. Aaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!! And Phew!!!! Aaaahhhhh because I memorised all this for nothing and phew because I did not have to say it and it was all over.

You know, even though I used to dislike confessions like these, I have a feeling that I may just get addicted to it. We'll see.