A few days back, I suddenly realised that I am very afraid to be alone. As much as I tried to convince myself (and those around me) that I enjoy being alone, it is actually the opposite that is true.
I suddenly thought about a lot of what if-s: What if I did not find myself a partner by a certain age and had to live and die alone; what if (and I am sure they will) my parents are no longer around anymore? What should I do; what if I died. Who is going to settle my funeral.
Questions like that kept coming up and I suddenly felt panic. Plus me being very anti-social and shy, not sure when I would ever find myself a partner any time soon. Worse yet, as age catches up on me, I have crawled deeper into my shell and do not really want to waste my time meeting new people.
All these just increased my worry and fear. Guess I am writing all this down to calm myself down. Guess what Ally McBeal (and some other shows) talked about that biological time bomb ticking away is very real. Not in the sense of making babies but in the sense of finding a mate to spend the rest of my life with. Not necessarily (to find a mate) to marry but to watch the sunset with.
Need to calm down, need to calm down.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Slash and MJ
Was doing some major packing and arrangement of stuff when I dug out loads and loads of photos and several files full of posters that I have torn out from the then Radio and TV Times (now 8 Days). I had painstakingly filed them but thought that my mum had but thrown them all away. You can imagine my surprise when I saw them again!
One of the posters was of Michael Jackson and Slash (former guitarist of Guns & Roses). I was just wondering to myself as to why they took a picture when I found my answer over the TV programme. After all, the whole world is reporting about MJ. Slash was playing the guitar on his song "Black or White".
Coincidentally, that is also my favourite song. Correction: that is my second favourite. My favourite would be "We are the World".
One of the posters was of Michael Jackson and Slash (former guitarist of Guns & Roses). I was just wondering to myself as to why they took a picture when I found my answer over the TV programme. After all, the whole world is reporting about MJ. Slash was playing the guitar on his song "Black or White".
Coincidentally, that is also my favourite song. Correction: that is my second favourite. My favourite would be "We are the World".
Friday, June 26, 2009
2 legends
Today, 2 legendary greats died today. One is Farah Fawcett, the other is Michael Jackson.
MJ's death came as a real shock to me. There was no warning whatsoever. He was preparing for his comeback tour in England and then this happened. He died of cardiac arrest. While for Farah (like I knew her so well), news about her not being well has already been out for awhile, so it did not come as too big a shock.
Nevertheless, it still took me by surprise as the last I heard about her was that she had amputated one leg. Well, I suppose this is better for them as they do not need to suffer any longer.
Night-night Michael. Night-night Farah.
p/s: Farah was Brad Pitt's idol.
MJ's death came as a real shock to me. There was no warning whatsoever. He was preparing for his comeback tour in England and then this happened. He died of cardiac arrest. While for Farah (like I knew her so well), news about her not being well has already been out for awhile, so it did not come as too big a shock.
Nevertheless, it still took me by surprise as the last I heard about her was that she had amputated one leg. Well, I suppose this is better for them as they do not need to suffer any longer.
Night-night Michael. Night-night Farah.
p/s: Farah was Brad Pitt's idol.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Scrapbooking
OK, so the flu bug was not the only thing I caught over the weekend. I think I have caught the scrapbooking bug as well. In my (hopefully not 3 seconds of) new-found enthusiasm, I went scrapbook material shopping.
Actually, one of the reasons why I hesitated starting this hobby was how exclusive it looked. Of course, the first reason would be that it is super time-consuming, and I was not one with patience.
Back to the topic of exclusivity. What I suspected was not totally false. You see, before I stepped into the store, I thought that scrapbooking was something that was very personal and that it should not matter how you do it, it was more of how you liked the way it looked. From the examples I see above the cupboard doors in the store, all of them scraps (as I would call each scrapped page from now) have a certain look, and had tons of stuff (that I later learnt, were called "embellishments") loaded onto each scrap. Why so gaudy??
Then I came home and did some Internet research and these scrappers (as they are commonly called) have like, templates to follow!! Whatever happened to individual style? Anyway, it was too late as I have already started my own scrapbooking of my Hong Kong trip. I must insist that it looks OK without template planning and little or no embellishments. Don't want them to snatch the limelight from my photos.
However, I did forget that I should include stuff that I collected during my trip to stick onto toe scrap as well. Time to start searching!!
By the way, some fanatic ones wear gloves while handling the photos so that the oil from their hands don't spoil the quality of the photo paper. Woah! No such patience. Plus, everything should be acid-free, down to the pen that we write in.
Let me see how much patience I have got in searching for these acid and lignin free stuff. Already, my glue did not pass the test. I just got it off the shelf of DAISO. Haha!
Actually, one of the reasons why I hesitated starting this hobby was how exclusive it looked. Of course, the first reason would be that it is super time-consuming, and I was not one with patience.
Back to the topic of exclusivity. What I suspected was not totally false. You see, before I stepped into the store, I thought that scrapbooking was something that was very personal and that it should not matter how you do it, it was more of how you liked the way it looked. From the examples I see above the cupboard doors in the store, all of them scraps (as I would call each scrapped page from now) have a certain look, and had tons of stuff (that I later learnt, were called "embellishments") loaded onto each scrap. Why so gaudy??
Then I came home and did some Internet research and these scrappers (as they are commonly called) have like, templates to follow!! Whatever happened to individual style? Anyway, it was too late as I have already started my own scrapbooking of my Hong Kong trip. I must insist that it looks OK without template planning and little or no embellishments. Don't want them to snatch the limelight from my photos.
However, I did forget that I should include stuff that I collected during my trip to stick onto toe scrap as well. Time to start searching!!
By the way, some fanatic ones wear gloves while handling the photos so that the oil from their hands don't spoil the quality of the photo paper. Woah! No such patience. Plus, everything should be acid-free, down to the pen that we write in.
Let me see how much patience I have got in searching for these acid and lignin free stuff. Already, my glue did not pass the test. I just got it off the shelf of DAISO. Haha!
Live and let live
I have been getting lazier and lazier, and no, there is no guy in my life to justify why I should be writing less. In fact, my love life is s empty that I find that as an excuse for the lack of inspiration to write.
There is the H1N1 going on of course and the fact that I have infected throat and ears just made me so immobile that I just slept the day away.
Truth is though, I think all these illnesses have been stress related. I have been thinking of moving on, to another similar work environment, of course. Just cannot take the very stressed out supervisor breathing down my neck every other minute. I am not a person that can be micro-managed in the first place. It was what made me walk out of my old job in the first place.
Of course, I must make some mental adjustments myself in the first place, starting from now. There will be micro-management everywhere and there is no such thing as the perfect fit or the perfect boss.
This makes me think back to the very basic logic of the strong over the weak. I think this strong over the weak issue is happening in our everyday lives, in our every moment: your parents' words against yours; your colleagues instructions over yours; your bosses' decisions over yours; the librarian telling you you have to pay the full price of the lost book even after a write-in appeal; even to the point of the salesgirl insisting the last piece of item was newly displayed and you had no choice but to take THE last piece.
Then again, for that very last example, you have a choice. You have the power of not buying that item, which was what I did. Well, I exaggerate too much by giving these examples, I guess. Perhaps I see things too micro-ly myself. I should learn to let go, live and let live. Somehow though, the majority of people seem to be the suppressed while our bosses are forever the oppressors.
Well, just dark clouds passing. After the rain, all will be fine.
There is the H1N1 going on of course and the fact that I have infected throat and ears just made me so immobile that I just slept the day away.
Truth is though, I think all these illnesses have been stress related. I have been thinking of moving on, to another similar work environment, of course. Just cannot take the very stressed out supervisor breathing down my neck every other minute. I am not a person that can be micro-managed in the first place. It was what made me walk out of my old job in the first place.
Of course, I must make some mental adjustments myself in the first place, starting from now. There will be micro-management everywhere and there is no such thing as the perfect fit or the perfect boss.
This makes me think back to the very basic logic of the strong over the weak. I think this strong over the weak issue is happening in our everyday lives, in our every moment: your parents' words against yours; your colleagues instructions over yours; your bosses' decisions over yours; the librarian telling you you have to pay the full price of the lost book even after a write-in appeal; even to the point of the salesgirl insisting the last piece of item was newly displayed and you had no choice but to take THE last piece.
Then again, for that very last example, you have a choice. You have the power of not buying that item, which was what I did. Well, I exaggerate too much by giving these examples, I guess. Perhaps I see things too micro-ly myself. I should learn to let go, live and let live. Somehow though, the majority of people seem to be the suppressed while our bosses are forever the oppressors.
Well, just dark clouds passing. After the rain, all will be fine.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Ten years already?!
As I was walking back from the bus stop today, I could not help but wonder in awe as to how time has flown past me. It has officially been10 years since I have lived where I am living and for the whole 10 years, I had wanted to write this complaint to my MP to complain about this woman who was feeding stray cats at a very inconvenient spot leading up to one of the entrances to where I stay.
It is unbelievable that it has been so long and I DID NOT take action! I mean, I did not mind that she was feeding strays bu I really did mind that she had put the food at the most inconvenient of places when there were ample other places to put it in the vicinity.
Plus the fact that she just leaves the food and plastic bag (used to put the food) there and come morning, when the food is empty, plastic bag hurricane happens. It was an ugly sight. I even hated taking bus from that side of the road.
Now that I take buses from there more often, I realised that the woman does not seem to come anymore, as the path is clean of all food and strays. It is good in a way but worrying in another. I am worried about the fate of the cats, even though I do not approve of feeding strays does not mean I do not treasure life.
Back to my 10 years at the present abbot: I still feel like it was yesterday that I had just moved in, just complained about how small my room is, just thinking to myself as to when I can move out of this rat hole. It is now 10 years.
Perhaps it is also because I was 'away' for 2 or 3 years as I got married and had my own place for awhile. It was only about four years ago that I moved back home. Don't know why though, but I never did feel that attached to the place as say, with the previous dwellings. Perhaps it is because Dad and Mum chose it. I did not. I was away studying.
From the time that I stayed here, I always felt that everything was temporary and I didn't even dare to work around the kitchen. Reason being that I did not feel attached to it. Sounds strange? Well, I AM a strange person like that.
It is unbelievable that it has been so long and I DID NOT take action! I mean, I did not mind that she was feeding strays bu I really did mind that she had put the food at the most inconvenient of places when there were ample other places to put it in the vicinity.
Plus the fact that she just leaves the food and plastic bag (used to put the food) there and come morning, when the food is empty, plastic bag hurricane happens. It was an ugly sight. I even hated taking bus from that side of the road.
Now that I take buses from there more often, I realised that the woman does not seem to come anymore, as the path is clean of all food and strays. It is good in a way but worrying in another. I am worried about the fate of the cats, even though I do not approve of feeding strays does not mean I do not treasure life.
Back to my 10 years at the present abbot: I still feel like it was yesterday that I had just moved in, just complained about how small my room is, just thinking to myself as to when I can move out of this rat hole. It is now 10 years.
Perhaps it is also because I was 'away' for 2 or 3 years as I got married and had my own place for awhile. It was only about four years ago that I moved back home. Don't know why though, but I never did feel that attached to the place as say, with the previous dwellings. Perhaps it is because Dad and Mum chose it. I did not. I was away studying.
From the time that I stayed here, I always felt that everything was temporary and I didn't even dare to work around the kitchen. Reason being that I did not feel attached to it. Sounds strange? Well, I AM a strange person like that.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Much ado about nothing
You must be wondering why I am writing the same topic as my blog title. Well, the truth is, I went to watch a Shakespearean play at the Fort Canning Park. It was a fantastically wonderful experience.
It was a casual affair with free seating all round. Luckily we arrived early though. There was already a long queue at 6pm when gates only open at 6.30pm. When the gates finally did open, we rushed to get a spot. It was not the centre of the stage but no matter. For who was to sit near me but my local idol, DICK LEE!!!!
It seems that the area we sat in was the media section (actually there were no marked areas, just that they happened to sit there). Michelle Chia and hubby was directly next to us and there were a bunch of other actors that I did not even know who were sitting around us. How did I know they were famous? There were these squealing girls who could not stop speaking as loudly as they could before the show and during the interval.
Love the picnic thing that is so casual and yet so fulfilling. We had bought the usual, ham, cheese, country loaf and drinks. I brought the picnic mat, mosquito repellent, mosquito repellent patches and wet wipes from home. Kiasu right? Well, better be prepared than to get bitten. I even lent my repellent to this lady who forgot to pack hers.
Repellents can also act as temporary deodorants. There was this really huge person (could not make out whether the person was a guy or gal). Had really bad B.O. and so I sprayed a generous lot where the person was sitting. Worked quite well! :)
All in all, I enjoyed myself and wouldn't mind doing it all over again when the next play in the park happens. Oh yes, I will promise myself to have more picnics at one park or another.
It was a casual affair with free seating all round. Luckily we arrived early though. There was already a long queue at 6pm when gates only open at 6.30pm. When the gates finally did open, we rushed to get a spot. It was not the centre of the stage but no matter. For who was to sit near me but my local idol, DICK LEE!!!!
It seems that the area we sat in was the media section (actually there were no marked areas, just that they happened to sit there). Michelle Chia and hubby was directly next to us and there were a bunch of other actors that I did not even know who were sitting around us. How did I know they were famous? There were these squealing girls who could not stop speaking as loudly as they could before the show and during the interval.
Love the picnic thing that is so casual and yet so fulfilling. We had bought the usual, ham, cheese, country loaf and drinks. I brought the picnic mat, mosquito repellent, mosquito repellent patches and wet wipes from home. Kiasu right? Well, better be prepared than to get bitten. I even lent my repellent to this lady who forgot to pack hers.
Repellents can also act as temporary deodorants. There was this really huge person (could not make out whether the person was a guy or gal). Had really bad B.O. and so I sprayed a generous lot where the person was sitting. Worked quite well! :)
All in all, I enjoyed myself and wouldn't mind doing it all over again when the next play in the park happens. Oh yes, I will promise myself to have more picnics at one park or another.
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