I find myself quick to anger nowadays. Today, it was over this woollen sweater that I had bought from Uniqlo. It is fine Merino wool and I had told my mum that it is to be hand-washed and I just put it on the back rest of my chair, in my room.
It was my fault. I should have just added, "Please do not wash it. I will do it myself".
It was too late. When I came home, I saw the nice off white with pink and grey argyle patterned sweater on a hanger, drying on a 'bamboo' pole. My heart froze. For one should never hang woollen stuff like that. The water is just going to weigh everything down and the clothing will go out of shape.
I tried to salvage it but I think it was too late. The collar looks warped and the whole thing looks out of shape, elongated. I tried to control my anger and wrote a nice note to Mum telling her what I have done (put the sweater on top of clean plastic sheets, on the floor. They do not say "lay flat" or "dry flat" for nothing. I told her that I was not angry and that I hope we would come to a better understanding next time.
It was no use though for after she came back and I explained to her, I had a closer look (for I really did not bear to really look at it) and it just looked..warped and out of shape (sort of). The best part was Mum tried to lighten the whole situation and say, "Aiyah, how much can one sweater cost?"
I suppose when one earns less, one will treasure things a lot more. It felt very painful to me as I had not even started wearing the piece of clothing. She continued to say what's the big deal and that I could always buy it next month.
Helloo!!!! Knock-knock! I bought this for my Amsterdam trip and I am flying off at the end of this month. HOW TO BUY?????? So angry with her flipping remarks. The more she talked about the monetary bit, the angrier I got. The anger was not really there at first. It is after all $49.90. It is probably about 10 meals for a person and enough to feed a whole family.
Well, maybe I am anal too but a warped piece just would not look the same. It just makes me look frumpy and sloppy. Besides, I am not the slimmest or tallest of people. The increase in length and width would simply not flatter my figure (or what is left of it).
It did not help that Dad thought that I was the one to blame. He asked me why did I put it in the laundry basket in the first place, which I did not. Had to explain it all over again to him that it was very clearly put in my room.
After several painful screams in my own room, Mum finally came in to 'apologise'. This could take awhile but writing this is helping me get rid of the anger. Feeling better already and would just have to bear with it and wear it, I suppose. I am trying very hard not to get angry.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Sunday, September 12, 2010
From a spiritual point of view
Sometimes, when I feel that I am at a very low point in my life, God appears before me through His words and the little things that happen around me.
I was still very upset about yesterday and was feeling really low. It is the first time our friendship was put to the test like that and I was still hurt by what my friend had said. I prayed about it all the way while walking to church and it turned out that today's readings and sermon was about forgiveness. Father John told us that we had to "learn to forgive". How apt. How simple and yet how deep. It is not an easy thing to do, forgiveness. But yet, when we do it, it is "to celebrate freedom". I felt a big stone being lifted as I hear all this.
Moreover, there were lots unexplainable things that made me reflect a lot today. Perhaps that is why it is called "Reflection" on the church bulletin. The first line read:" People hurt us by their actions and we react by deciding to hurt them in return." Kinda made me think about my ex-housemate and friend that I fell out with. I did not do anything to hurt her in return and, from my point of view, I did really do anything to hurt her in the first place. Knowing her though, she would have, by now, painted a bad picture of me (to herself and other people) so that she can justify why our friendship turned sour. I may be wrong though, I may be wrong.
God is trying to tell me something; He is perhaps telling me to move on with life. This I should do. Plus as I was praying to Him, I drew parallelism to the fact that Jesus was always going against the flow and having to fend for Himself. I was somewhat like that yesterday. I was (metaphorically) cornered and I was not given a choice to even explain myself. My views and words were all pushed aside. It was horrible. Jesus must have felt very helpless too, when He could not save Himself from inevitable death at that time.
I am still reflecting and these reflections are purely my own thoughts. I guess what I wanted to say is that "God is so good to me. He gives me comfort when I most needed it".
I was still very upset about yesterday and was feeling really low. It is the first time our friendship was put to the test like that and I was still hurt by what my friend had said. I prayed about it all the way while walking to church and it turned out that today's readings and sermon was about forgiveness. Father John told us that we had to "learn to forgive". How apt. How simple and yet how deep. It is not an easy thing to do, forgiveness. But yet, when we do it, it is "to celebrate freedom". I felt a big stone being lifted as I hear all this.
Moreover, there were lots unexplainable things that made me reflect a lot today. Perhaps that is why it is called "Reflection" on the church bulletin. The first line read:" People hurt us by their actions and we react by deciding to hurt them in return." Kinda made me think about my ex-housemate and friend that I fell out with. I did not do anything to hurt her in return and, from my point of view, I did really do anything to hurt her in the first place. Knowing her though, she would have, by now, painted a bad picture of me (to herself and other people) so that she can justify why our friendship turned sour. I may be wrong though, I may be wrong.
God is trying to tell me something; He is perhaps telling me to move on with life. This I should do. Plus as I was praying to Him, I drew parallelism to the fact that Jesus was always going against the flow and having to fend for Himself. I was somewhat like that yesterday. I was (metaphorically) cornered and I was not given a choice to even explain myself. My views and words were all pushed aside. It was horrible. Jesus must have felt very helpless too, when He could not save Himself from inevitable death at that time.
I am still reflecting and these reflections are purely my own thoughts. I guess what I wanted to say is that "God is so good to me. He gives me comfort when I most needed it".
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Weird day
I had quite a weird day today. It started good. The friend and I went to eat at this Thai place that we both liked and we went to my God Bro's exhibition. We went around aimlesslessly and museum hopped a little (except that we did not go in coz we had to pay). We even went to visit a Catholic Church and I explained to the friend about the rosary.
Then we went to have coffee at this coffee shop and I said something wrong and the friend got very upset. The friend 'cornered' me (in a metaphorical manner) and the friend raised voice at me and I was so upset I cried. I wanted to up and go for I felt that the friend was being unreasonable and did not allow me to have my say. The friend also said some hurtful but somewhat true things.
You know, I hate this. I think in life, everybody's purpose is to make other people believe in their own views and make others agree with them while making them ditching their own. Sometimes, I find it such a struggle to get heard. Or maybe, I did get heard. Just that I am not hearing.
Plus I feel that my whole life is a whole life full of explanations to others on why I am imperfect and why I am wrong. I feel that everyone in this world is insecure. The way that they cover up their insecurity is to 'win' others, do better than others, seem to do more than others and to 'force' their own views upon others. The more they do this, the more insecure they are. Maybe I am generalising. Maybe I am not.
Such is the world I see. Such is what I have derived upon after our ARGUMENT. Our first. I cannot believe that I sat there and accepted all that nonsense, but I did.
Actually, I have long had the idea about "insecurity" but today, I was so cornered and felt so belittled (in my own way, you can call it self-pity if you want) that I had to pen it down. I am a mess inside now. The friend has opened a can of worms. The friend has forced me to look inside myself and made me feel very lousy. It is not entirely my friend's fault though for I have stereotyped the friend and thus the anger that arose.
We both apologised and I managed to humanely sit down and talk through the whole issue all over in a slightly calm manner. I came home, with my insides still all mangled up, as if I have met with a very bad accident. I think you can see from my erratic writing and thoughts.
I would need time to lick my egoistical wounds, I suppose. Writing this down helps.
Then we went to have coffee at this coffee shop and I said something wrong and the friend got very upset. The friend 'cornered' me (in a metaphorical manner) and the friend raised voice at me and I was so upset I cried. I wanted to up and go for I felt that the friend was being unreasonable and did not allow me to have my say. The friend also said some hurtful but somewhat true things.
You know, I hate this. I think in life, everybody's purpose is to make other people believe in their own views and make others agree with them while making them ditching their own. Sometimes, I find it such a struggle to get heard. Or maybe, I did get heard. Just that I am not hearing.
Plus I feel that my whole life is a whole life full of explanations to others on why I am imperfect and why I am wrong. I feel that everyone in this world is insecure. The way that they cover up their insecurity is to 'win' others, do better than others, seem to do more than others and to 'force' their own views upon others. The more they do this, the more insecure they are. Maybe I am generalising. Maybe I am not.
Such is the world I see. Such is what I have derived upon after our ARGUMENT. Our first. I cannot believe that I sat there and accepted all that nonsense, but I did.
Actually, I have long had the idea about "insecurity" but today, I was so cornered and felt so belittled (in my own way, you can call it self-pity if you want) that I had to pen it down. I am a mess inside now. The friend has opened a can of worms. The friend has forced me to look inside myself and made me feel very lousy. It is not entirely my friend's fault though for I have stereotyped the friend and thus the anger that arose.
We both apologised and I managed to humanely sit down and talk through the whole issue all over in a slightly calm manner. I came home, with my insides still all mangled up, as if I have met with a very bad accident. I think you can see from my erratic writing and thoughts.
I would need time to lick my egoistical wounds, I suppose. Writing this down helps.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Updates of my life
I am so busy nowadays, juggling work, final exams for my studies and preparing for my trip to Europe, that I hardly have time to blog.
I am also busy trying to look for alternatives to the things I use on a daily basis. Things like facial cleansers, make-up, make-up removers and body wash, etc. Other than the Neutrogena facial wash and the waxing strips, I have found a Japanese brand of make-up remover called "Cleansing Express". It works pretty well and so far so good for my skin. No funny red patches yet.
I have also found the drugstore brand of make-up called Kate that is very good! They are actually by the makers of Kanebo make-up but they are selling it at more affordable prices at drugstores, giving customers more value for money. The Face Shop is also my 'good friend' now.
Just today, I was going to buy some long sleeved cotton t-shirts for my trip (to keep myself warmer and for layering purposes). I first went to GAP as I had bought a very nice cotton tee that was lightweight and yet, served its purpose in keeping me warm. The damage would be $39.90. I decided to drop by at Uniqlo at ION. They had a much thicker long sleeved cotton tee going for $14.90! Grabbed it! Plus it was premium cotton, very good to the touch.
I suppose now it is more of learning how to shop smart and I am also learning that drugstore (i.e. cheaper stuff) stuff does not necessarily mean bad news. It is sometimes better than the expensive stuff.
Well, going to bed now, for I need to get to work by 7 am tomorrow. Night everyone!
I am also busy trying to look for alternatives to the things I use on a daily basis. Things like facial cleansers, make-up, make-up removers and body wash, etc. Other than the Neutrogena facial wash and the waxing strips, I have found a Japanese brand of make-up remover called "Cleansing Express". It works pretty well and so far so good for my skin. No funny red patches yet.
I have also found the drugstore brand of make-up called Kate that is very good! They are actually by the makers of Kanebo make-up but they are selling it at more affordable prices at drugstores, giving customers more value for money. The Face Shop is also my 'good friend' now.
Just today, I was going to buy some long sleeved cotton t-shirts for my trip (to keep myself warmer and for layering purposes). I first went to GAP as I had bought a very nice cotton tee that was lightweight and yet, served its purpose in keeping me warm. The damage would be $39.90. I decided to drop by at Uniqlo at ION. They had a much thicker long sleeved cotton tee going for $14.90! Grabbed it! Plus it was premium cotton, very good to the touch.
I suppose now it is more of learning how to shop smart and I am also learning that drugstore (i.e. cheaper stuff) stuff does not necessarily mean bad news. It is sometimes better than the expensive stuff.
Well, going to bed now, for I need to get to work by 7 am tomorrow. Night everyone!
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