Calculative

That is hardly a word to describe a parent, but that is the way I would describe my Dad.

I have never seen a dad so calculative before. Last night, I asked him whether he could send me to this place around Serangoon Road area. He at first agreed but after changing and getting ready to go, he started making a lot of noise about it being so out of the way and so inconvenient, that he is going to waste petrol as he was going to come home with an empty car.

I would have thought that the first thing that came to his mind would be the safety of his daughter or he could at least treat it as a time to leisure drive. I had a friend, whose dad was always so thoughtful and concerned that it touched me. He would not say no and would always offer to send or fetch us no matter where we were, especially if it was at night. It actually made me realise that my dad is very different from other people's dads.

I used to scorn at my god sis as my godpa used to ferry her from place to place, to and from school. I didn't think of it much as I thought that was a luxury afforded by people of a slightly better background (which my god sis is lucky to have). It is only really now that I realised that...my dad is a little...weird.

Pardon me but I think there is no other way of putting it. He only thinks of things from money terms. Even when my mum is tired and needs a lift to somewhere, he would not fetch her unless he was on his way to do something else, a sort of by the way thing.

I get very angry with him for that as my mum is not physically very strong and so I used to chide him till he sends her.

Last night, nobody was on my side. My mum thinks I should not talk back to my dad (as I tried to reason with him, whether reasonable or not I do not know) and she wants me to empathise with my dad. Then, who, may I ask, is going to empathise with me? It is a constant battle ground at home, with me at the losing end. I probably should not be airing dirty laundry here but I do need to be heard.

Anyhow, my dad is my dad. At the end of the day, no matter what unhappiness I have, I can only either swallow it or to lock myself up in my own room and scream it off, without anyone knowing the real reason why for my sudden outbursts.