I thought I was tough

After all these years in my job, I thought I would have gotten used to the verbal abuse by the patrons. I thought I was toughened by the number of times that I had to 'handle' them.I thought that my hide would have grown thicker. I thought that my angry and breakdown days were over.

No. It is not over. After all these years, I still broke down. All no thanks to this four Malay ladies who had had so many face and boob jobs done that they now look like a he-she.

They were talking real loud, bitching away about something in Malay (not trying to offend anyone here but just stating facts for facts). You know, I would have ignored it if they talked a little less loud, but after telling a little girl to lower her voice, I also needed to let them know that they needed to show the kids some good example. I was selecting books for my programme then.

I think they already have this everybody-against-us mentality because they really looked like pondans* (sorry I had to use this word but there is no other way of describing them); a bit like Little Richard with boobs. One of them said that she is waiting for her son but I still told them to lower their volume. Well, they were bitch-ily (if ever there was such a word) observing me, seeing what I would do next.

Once I finished selecting my books I went back to my counter. I observed these two teens chatting away but they were really not that loud. I decided to wait a few more minutes before I told them off.

That was when the Mamas attacked. They swayed over to the counter and told me that "you are not fair you know? (and they were tall, ya?) you tell us to keep quiet and yet you see, you see? You are not fair (finger pointing at me)!"

Why do these people, who chose to be outstanding and special want to wait and pounce on people thinking that they are the 'victims' of discrimination? Sad to say, seemingly normal people behave like that too. My Indian colleague was once told off by a patron of another race and was asked whether she was racist. This was only because my colleagues had many things to handle at that time and could not accede to her wishes 'in time'. She kept accusing her of being a racist and that, in itself, I feel is racism on the part of the patron.

I think these people have already discriminated themselves way before others have discriminated or judged them. As I am writing this now, I cannot help but feel sorry for them, but at that point of time, I just wished that I was more in control of the situation and I could have told them that I will access the situation and act accordingly.

I am angry with myself for not being able to handle the situation efficiently and professionally.

Nevertheless, at the same time, I have also quite made up my mind. Enough is enough. Eight years is a too long a test for tolerance.