Regarding work and relationship

Someone told me very, very recently that I was jealous of her success in her career and her love life. She has a job that pays her a lot, while I got a huge pay cut after resigning. She has also recently gotten married to a foreigner.

Just to be sure of how I felt about myself, I waited a few days before penning this down. For even before this was said to me, I was already feeling this sense of joy in my life that I have never felt before. I had already made the preliminary conclusion that it must be my new job and my constant contact with children.

With this person's comment, I must of course, then make doubly sure that I was not dreaming or trying to convince myself that I like the job etc, etc. That's why the lag in final conclusion.

I guess it is very hard to believe (and sometimes I find it quite unbelievable myself), but I am happy. It is more exciting to try to find ways to save and to challenge myself to be able to use a significantly smaller amount of money to buy stuff that looks classy and yet usable. I should have done this way before I resigned. I would have saved much more. I was just too much of a spendthrift. Right now is my time to take stock of what I have bought and start using them.

Besides, why should I be jealous of people who have a high post or earn more than me? This present job is what I chose to do and I truly feel that it is a calling from God. He had directed me to this and He has greater plans for me yet. No, I am not jealous as I get to leave work on the dot at 5.30pm everyday, five days a week and as mentioned in previous postings, get instant gratification. I don't need to do over-time and I do not need to face much office politics.

In fact, I am so happy with my work that I pray everyday that I do not fall sick and do not have to visit the doctor so that I can see my kids and to continue working. I also linger after work so that I can play with my kids for a little while more.

As for married life, I am not jealous. Envious maybe a little but happy sort of envious. Happy that she is able to find someone in her life since she has been looking for so long and envious because she has the guts to chase her dreams to find her dream guy, unlike me, who is still hiding in my shell. But not jealous.

Why should I be?? I am trying to get out of a marriage right now. Why should I be jealous?? Maybe the only jealousy is that she is in some form of relationship and I am not.

Yes, I do yearn for a relationship but not marriage. I have had my own fair share of issues with marriage. Why should I be jealous of her? Anyway, at this point of time, I really, really feel this sense of calm and that I will be OK even if there isn't a guy in my life. Maybe it is also because I am finally, slowly accepting God as the centre of my life.

Not that I did not have a God-centred life before (haha...going to get myself into trouble if I don't explain properly). It's just that, as a normal human being, I tend to falter and drift away for awhile. Somehow, He has a way of leading me back to where He wants me to be.

Therefore, my conclusion is that I am happy and I am not jealous. The rest of the world can think all they want and say what they like. Those who are not convinced will still have something to say even if I say till my mouth runs dry. I really don't care. I will concentrate on my own life.