Quiet solitude

After work yesterday, there were no plans with friends. Decided to walk to church from work place and exercise a little.

Dinner was spent alone at my favourite food court stall: Manna Korean. Little glitch was that the lady forgot to sprinkle sesame seed and spring onions on my barbecue chicken. I stood there waiting for her to do it and she stood there waiting for me to leave the stall. It was quite a funny situation.

I walked away eventually, realising that I am actually quite a person of habit. I remember being a little peeved, but calmed myself down by saying it was no big deal, that things like that happen. I have to remind myself to take things easy and not to take things too seriously.

It's been a long time since I have eaten alone, and the feeling is not that bad. As I ate, I reminisced about stuff I said to Kelly earlier on on MSN. She was lamenting about how nobody wants her (again, in joking manner) when I told her that I have accepted the fact that I will be alone for awhile. It is this strange feeling, this acceptance. Perhaps it is because I am on the road to freedom (after my house is sold and I am going to file for divorce).

I feel much more settled and at ease with myself. Perhaps, I am starting to look inward (as one of my friend from far away land has shared with me) and am really starting to love myself.

Previous times that I told myself and everyone else that I was loving myself? Bull crap. I was just saying it, but not really doing it. Didn't really put it into action. Now though, I am really going to put in some effort.

After dinner, thought I would do some last-minute shopping to get my colleagues some things to thank them for all the times that we have worked togeher, but you know what? I COULD NOT FIND ANYTHING!

I walked the whole of Tampines Mall and I could not find anything. I was so tempted to go buy make-up and facial stuff again, but had to remind myself that I had a whole pile waiting to be used at home. Mentally stopped myself :P Had to tell myself that it is not only money I a wasting but the world's resources if I do buy anymore.