Waffling

I was sick and resting at home today until evening time when I had to get to my classes. Serves me right for not going twice before and using up my 20% chance of absenteeism.


Anyway, I think I feel better now except that I still have a 'sexy' voice. Last night, when I came home after the doc's, Dad asked me to take care of myself and not eat rubbish when I am out and about. I told him directly that I cannot help it if I have rhinitis or that my immune system is so bad.

This leads me to the question as to why I should be in this world in the first place. I think my parents made a very selfish decision to give birth to me (I know I would probably get bashed up for saying this but this is really how I feel). Selfish in that they only gave birth to me and then letting me be responsible for them when they grow old. I do not have any other siblings to share the responsibility with. Selfish in that I am alone all the time and contrary to what everyone else is thinking, an only child is not very fun to be.

Selfish because after they have only me, they continue to live life as if they were a couple and I was an outsider looking in at their lives. Well, maybe I exaggerate or I may be overly sensitive. Maybe they just want to give me my space, but they do not realise that my social life is almost zero? Or that I am very bad with making new friends? This leads me to what I am about to say next.

Recently, I have been reading a book about the autistic spectrum disorder and was wondering if I was mildly autistic myself. I was giving myself lots of 'analysis' and excuses as I was a really quiet child at birth and my social skills are not fantastic. I seem to have a slower learning process than others.

I have also been reading up quite a bit about the Indigo Child. Well, maybe all these are terms to coin people who are different from the norm and it made some sense to me as my mum was considered mature when she gave birth to me. Hmm...yes, I like this explanation. Makes me feel a little better about myself. Hahaha!

I am waffling, I know. I am normal. Or at least, I think I am. Whatever it is, I am responsible for my own life now and will stop looking at the past or blaming it. Sounds familiar? Well, it Stephen Covey said something to that extent and we just learned about it in class.