My fears

A few days back, I suddenly realised that I am very afraid to be alone. As much as I tried to convince myself (and those around me) that I enjoy being alone, it is actually the opposite that is true.

I suddenly thought about a lot of what if-s: What if I did not find myself a partner by a certain age and had to live and die alone; what if (and I am sure they will) my parents are no longer around anymore? What should I do; what if I died. Who is going to settle my funeral.

Questions like that kept coming up and I suddenly felt panic. Plus me being very anti-social and shy, not sure when I would ever find myself a partner any time soon. Worse yet, as age catches up on me, I have crawled deeper into my shell and do not really want to waste my time meeting new people.

All these just increased my worry and fear. Guess I am writing all this down to calm myself down. Guess what Ally McBeal (and some other shows) talked about that biological time bomb ticking away is very real. Not in the sense of making babies but in the sense of finding a mate to spend the rest of my life with. Not necessarily (to find a mate) to marry but to watch the sunset with.

Need to calm down, need to calm down.