Weird day

I had quite a weird day today. It started good. The friend and I went to eat at this Thai place that we both liked and we went to my God Bro's exhibition. We went around aimlesslessly and museum hopped a little (except that we did not go in coz we had to pay). We even went to visit a Catholic Church and I explained to the friend about the rosary.

Then we went to have coffee at this coffee shop and I said something wrong and the friend got very upset. The friend 'cornered' me (in a metaphorical manner) and the friend raised voice at me and I was so upset I cried. I wanted to up and go for I felt that the friend was being unreasonable and did not allow me to have my say. The friend also said some hurtful but somewhat true things.

You know, I hate this. I think in life, everybody's purpose is to make other people believe in their own views and make others agree with them while making them ditching their own. Sometimes, I find it such a struggle to get heard. Or maybe, I did get heard. Just that I am not hearing.

Plus I feel that my whole life is a whole life full of explanations to others on why I am imperfect and why I am wrong. I feel that everyone in this world is insecure. The way that they cover up their insecurity is to 'win' others, do better than others, seem to do more than others and to 'force' their own views upon others. The more they do this, the more insecure they are. Maybe I am generalising. Maybe I am not.

Such is the world I see. Such is what I have derived upon after our ARGUMENT. Our first. I cannot believe that I sat there and accepted all that nonsense, but I did.

Actually, I have long had the idea about "insecurity" but today, I was so cornered and felt so belittled (in my own way, you can call it self-pity if you want) that I had to pen it down. I am a mess inside now. The friend has opened a can of worms. The friend has forced me to look inside myself and made me feel very lousy. It is not entirely my friend's fault though for I have stereotyped the friend and thus the anger that arose.

We both apologised and I managed to humanely sit down and talk through the whole issue all over in a slightly calm manner. I came home, with my insides still all mangled up, as if I have met with a very bad accident. I think you can see from my erratic writing and thoughts.

I would need time to lick my egoistical wounds, I suppose. Writing this down helps.