Depressing. Maybe, maybe not

I am in a real wreck at the moment. My housemate just sms-ed me to say that she's is not just going to Finland to visit her boyfriend but also to get married.

That would mean that I will be the only un-married one amongst my so-called close girl friends. Seriously, feel like shit. Although I should be and am happy for her and my Finnish friend. Although she had talked about marriage with him before. Although I know that she would eventually get married, but I think...I am still too shocked for words when the bomb was dropped.

Silly thoughts like how I was such a failure in my marriage and how I could not upkeep my marriage and how I am still single came to mind. Plain silly.

It has not been such a good day for me today. I finally received that sort of finalised letter from HR telling me very nicely that I had about 21 days of leave to clear, that I am not entitled to benefits etc, etc. It is funny coz I know that I will be coming back as a part-timer, but somehow, I know that it is going to be different. Then there is this nagging fear that I may not be able to come back. That is depressing feeling number 1.

Then I developed a migraine in the late afternoon and I could not get my stuff done properly. I think the air con was too cold, what with the heavy rain this morning. Froze half my head away. Depressing plus throbbing migraine problem number 2.

Then I received this letter from the Union that I am actually eligible for another type of membership. Duh! I wished that I had filled out that I am jobless instead. Then I could have gotten my union card immediately. Now I have to go and bloody explain to that AUSBE person about my very special situation. Then maybe I would not be eligible and then maybe NTUC Union can give me a card. Depressing feeling number 3.

Shocking news number 4 is of course, my housemate's wedding. Kelly (remember Kelly?), she was real nice and empathised with me. A little. Then, trying to be encouraging, she told me (via sms) that what's most important is not to feel sorry for ourselves.

Well, what can I say???? I am still in shock. Nothing to say.

Oh, forgot depressing news number 5. Was supposed to go trekking with my Hong Kong friend and his friend, he now says that he cannot make it. I have not trekked for two weeks. My own fault really. I was working one of the weekends and then the next, of course, I went for karaoke. I made the choice.

I refuse to stay home and mope. I managed to make plans for tomorrow night already. Saturday is mahjong day at my aunt's and cousin's place. Family day, sort of. I will think of something to do on Sunday. Even if tomorrow night is a no-go, I will go out and have fun myself. I will need to go out there make friends, clear my mind and think straight and be normal, because I choose to be so. I must also not forget my other friends who have been good friends through and through (I am not saying my housemate/ friend is not. Just that when one gets married, they would have other priorities and we as friends, should let them set their priorities straight. We need to be tactful too).

Anyway, I think I am wee bit better now that I have vented it out. Like Scarlet O'Hara said on the very last page (page 1010) of Gone with the wind, "Tomorrow will be another day".

Shakespeare in love

Two times today and one time yesterday. That was the number of times that I heard this song (Shakespeare in love)within 2 days, and all on different radio channels. First at 88.3FM and then at Yes 9.33 FM and then on Class 95.0 FM. The funny part is that the first two are Chinese radio stations (not really for 88.3 coz they now play a mixture of both English and Chinese songs).

Why the overkill? Because today marks the death of William Shakespeare and I think that is one of the few songs that has the actual word "Shakespeare" in it. It is actually quite a catchy tune except when you hear it almost consecutively in one morning.

It just made me realise (even more) that information and the acquiring of knowledge can be from anywhere, even on radio stations. It is just whether we want to learn or not. Listening to the DJs talk about Shakespeare also reminded me of my Secondary school days whereby we had to study Romeo and Juliet and later on, my Pre-university days, where I studied Hamlet.

Did not like Hamlet and found it painful for we had to do so much critical thinking and try to smoke our way through (at a higher level) as to what Shakespeare was thinking when he wrote that or what the characters were actually thinking. Found it so tough. Of course, I am sure, my Lit-loving friend and her bf would beg to defer (heehee!)

I think for now, I would leave all that Shakespearean reading aside and leave it for a time when I can actually sit down, relax and really read. Digest and understand.

Oh, but I do remember this: "...be but sworn my love and I will no longer be a Capulet"

This then leads me to another song that starts with the lyrics "Montague and Capulets / Whispered through the wall / words which they could not forget, after all."

It is the song by Wilson Phillips called "Next to you (someday I'll be)". Aah...the memories. I am going to play that album again tonight. Loved it so much that I bought the CD format (had the cassette tape first).