Box it up

Usually, one sms, one call from the friend, I would put everything down and join the friend in whatever the friend has suggested we do. Today, I am tired. Physically and mentally tired.

The friend had asked to meet for lunch, but I actually turned the friend down. I woke up real early today to get to work by 7am and I needed to come home to take my cough medicine. You see, I was supposed to be on M.C for the last two days but I really did not care to stay home. There was a lack of staff and if I did take anymore M.Cs, I would be inviting unwanted gossip.

Was feeling a little down after that, not quite sure whether it was the medicine or my own feelings. Anyway, I just feel that I am slowly mentally sifting out the emotional lovey-dovey parts from the friendship parts and putting the former into a box to be stored away in one part of my memory forever. Until such a time that I need it, then I will bring it out again, on condition that it will not be painful to myself.

I am on my way to closure. I can almost hear the sad violin playing in the background, but I refuse to be sad and I refuse to mope. I will walk with a smile to embrace a new chapter in my life, slowly but surely. Things will be different. The friend will not know, but at least I know that I will be better, soon.

First day back at work

Hmm...it was not exactly a smooth start to the day on my first day back at work. The gossip mongers were trying to see how many pox and scars I had, probably so that they could discuss about the 'seriousness' of it later, out of my ear shot.

Luckily I had purposely left some scars for them to see. I also had to explain that most of the pox came out on my back and my scalp, not so much on my body. You could almost see their I-want-to-believe-you face.

Plus, there was that contradictory discussion I had with my working partner as to whether or not to take medicine to stop the growth of the pox. As said in earlier postings, I actually do not advocate suppressing or even stopping the pox (through immunisation).

However, when one is sick and does not know what else to do, and when the doctor tells you that there may sometimes be complications like meningitis and/or pneumonia, and that the pox can even grow on your eyes, one better take the doc's advice and take pills or whatever.

I called it a contradictory discussion because I heard from another colleague that she (my working partner) was not too happy when she realised that I went on medical leave. Instead, today, she was advising me that I should have let all the pox out and just kept drinking cooling stuff for the system and not taken the anti-viral pills. Now, as I am typing this, I am just also wondering whether there was a pinch of sarcasm in what she said. Yes, I know. I am a little slow like that. Make that very slow, which is why I think I may never survive the corporate world. Ha!

I mean, it is one thing to give good advice, but it kind of shows your 'sincerity' as well when you jolly well know that if I let it all come out, that I will take at least 2 weeks of medical leave. Is that what she really wanted?? I doubt.

Anyhow, I gave it my all during the day, doing what I had to do as a team member. I think most times, I am doing the shit work. That said though, I am enjoying doing it because I love it and I have not much complaints about it.

Last but not least, I just want to say that NOBODY WANTS TO FALL SICK and when one is sick, one may sometimes not be able to make or receive phone calls. This is something strong and healthy people may never understand. Or maybe their time to fall very sick has not come yet. when it comes, they may fare worse than me.

Subconsciously...

My cousin had his wedding reception last Sunday. I was really looking forward to it, or so I thought I was. Maybe subconsciously, I did not want to go.

You see, this is my cousin's second wedding. His first one didn't work out. As much as I had wanted to be there to celebrate with him and his new wife, I could not. One very obvious reason is of course due to my chicken pox. The other was that I did not want awkward looks and conversations from relatives.

When my second uncle's daughter got married, they were so secretive about it and they used me as an excuse of not telling everyone. They said that they did not want to hurt my feelings. Ha!! What utter bullshit! If you don't want to tell then don't tell. Don't use me as a lousy excuse. I am happily divorced and there is no reason for me to be unhappy, unless of course they were afraid that I would jinx up their daughter's marriage.

Well, in a way, I was glad that I was not there last Sunday at my third uncle's son's wedding. Then nobody can say that I had anything to do with anything if anything happens. I was very honoured though, coz my cousin actually asked me to be receptionist. Hahaha! This is the sort of thing I liked to do. I did that for my other cousin's wedding and it was fun being the PR person.

Well, most of my cousins are all getting married now and I am happy for all of them, coz I cannot wait to be auntie to all those cute nieces and nephews! As for me, I will continue my journey in looking for a partner. No, not for marriage, but for companionship. I need to start widening my circle of friends from now.

Anyhow, I had to decline the invitation to be receptionist and I stayed at home, like any other good patient.

Pox!

I cannot believe it! I caught the chicken pox!!!! There were 5 rounds of it at my work place and I thought I would be safe from it but in the end, I still got it!!! It started on Monday afternoon. There were all that flu-like symptoms of backache and post-nasal drip and so I thought I was coming down with flu.

I went home, ate my dinner and was bathing when I felt the shivers. My feet were very cold and I wished that I could stay in the shower forever. I was too cold. I stayed as long as I could in the shower as I could and braced myself for when I needed to get myself out and put on clothes. It was the coldest few seconds in my entire life.

Huddling myself in my towel, I grabbed a pair of socks, opened the window threw the towel back onto the rack and went straight to bed without even turning on the air-conditioning. Oh, of course, I ate Zyrtec before going to bed.

Next morning, I almost could not get out of the bed and out of the house. Took a cab to work. Too painful to walk. Mum had asked me why I did not want to go and see the doc and take M.C. Told her I could not as I was doing the closing shift. Don't want to mess up everybody's schedule.

Come afternoon, my temperature was 37.5 degrees. Asked my colleague for panadol and popped 2. At the same time, my other colleague spotted spots on my face and immediately asked if they were chicken pox. There was one obvious pimply spot on my lip and a few others on the sides of my face. That was on my right side.

By four plus, two more spots had appeared on my left chin. Eeeekssss!!! I had wanted to wait till the next day to go and see a doctor, but mum told me to just go as it made no difference. It did make a difference though for I though the spots were not typical enough to be called chicken pox.

We went to the doc's anyway. I was treated as a pox patient and have to stay at home for the next 5 days. I was given some anti-viral medicine as he was afraid that there might be completion when I get it so 'young'. There could be meningitis or even pneumonia. It was not cheap though but it was necessary.

When I went home and took my bath, found one more spot on my right boob. Hahahaha!!! This morning, lots have sprouted on my scalp and I have accidentally scratched on in my half sleep-stupor.

Anyway, I am keeping my fingers crossed that I will not get too many spots and that there will not be any scars. Sigh...there goes my cousin's wedding reception this Sunday.

Cough, cough, cough...

Been coughing non-stop the whole of this weekend, despite the fact that I am already taking Chinese medicine. Before, I would have wanted to cut off my nose. Now, I wish to cut off my nose and dig my lungs out.

I have coughed till I have chest aches and at times, I can barely hold my pee when I cough! It is terrible, but I really have to be a little more patient with Chinese medicine. They just take longer to take effect. Either that or I must have taken something that I am not supposed to. Anyway, I am lifting it all up to Him now as I struggle on to sleep peacefully tonight and have to use my voice tomorrow.

Meanwhile, I will just have to rely on my Nin Jiom throat sweets as supplements to my medicine and my Badger Chest Rub to relieve a little of the coughing (hopefully).

Living each day, feeling alive!

It's been yonks since I last blogged. Life has been really busy but fulfilling. No, I am not dating or anything like that. It's just that I have busied myself with lots of things: Classes for my diploma course on Mondays and Wednesdays; Belly dance class on Thursdays and now, ceramic art class on Fridays.

Yes, it is almost like I cannot breathe but I guess this is the best way to while away time and what better way to meet new people than to sign up for classes at the local community club?! I have met many of my classmates from both the belly dance and ceramic class, who want to make a career switch to my current profession. Lots of networking there and I think that is healthy enough, for now.

I think God has been good to me. What I lack in life, He makes up for it in other ways. I also fall sick less (touch wood) as I think my work environment is much better than my previous one. Now all I have to do is to wait for a guy to drop from the sky. NOT! I will take it in my stride and leave it to fate.

My focus is on my parents and grandparents at the moment. Nowadays, I tend to worry more about them. I will call back often to check on them and if they do not pick up, I get all worried. Not trying to gloat here but I am really happy to have bought a new t.v. for my grandparents. I saw that their television screen was turning yellow, a sign if it going kapoot. I did not buy it all buy myself though. I 'joined forces' with my Dad and no, we did not get the set from the Philips Carnival that just passed last weekend.

I am living each day, like it is the last (trying) especially when it comes to my parents. One never knows what is going to happen next and I do not want to live with regrets.

Scrapbooking

OK, so the flu bug was not the only thing I caught over the weekend. I think I have caught the scrapbooking bug as well. In my (hopefully not 3 seconds of) new-found enthusiasm, I went scrapbook material shopping.

Actually, one of the reasons why I hesitated starting this hobby was how exclusive it looked. Of course, the first reason would be that it is super time-consuming, and I was not one with patience.

Back to the topic of exclusivity. What I suspected was not totally false. You see, before I stepped into the store, I thought that scrapbooking was something that was very personal and that it should not matter how you do it, it was more of how you liked the way it looked. From the examples I see above the cupboard doors in the store, all of them scraps (as I would call each scrapped page from now) have a certain look, and had tons of stuff (that I later learnt, were called "embellishments") loaded onto each scrap. Why so gaudy??

Then I came home and did some Internet research and these scrappers (as they are commonly called) have like, templates to follow!! Whatever happened to individual style? Anyway, it was too late as I have already started my own scrapbooking of my Hong Kong trip. I must insist that it looks OK without template planning and little or no embellishments. Don't want them to snatch the limelight from my photos.

However, I did forget that I should include stuff that I collected during my trip to stick onto toe scrap as well. Time to start searching!!

By the way, some fanatic ones wear gloves while handling the photos so that the oil from their hands don't spoil the quality of the photo paper. Woah! No such patience. Plus, everything should be acid-free, down to the pen that we write in.

Let me see how much patience I have got in searching for these acid and lignin free stuff. Already, my glue did not pass the test. I just got it off the shelf of DAISO. Haha!

Live and let live

I have been getting lazier and lazier, and no, there is no guy in my life to justify why I should be writing less. In fact, my love life is s empty that I find that as an excuse for the lack of inspiration to write.

There is the H1N1 going on of course and the fact that I have infected throat and ears just made me so immobile that I just slept the day away.

Truth is though, I think all these illnesses have been stress related. I have been thinking of moving on, to another similar work environment, of course. Just cannot take the very stressed out supervisor breathing down my neck every other minute. I am not a person that can be micro-managed in the first place. It was what made me walk out of my old job in the first place.

Of course, I must make some mental adjustments myself in the first place, starting from now. There will be micro-management everywhere and there is no such thing as the perfect fit or the perfect boss.

This makes me think back to the very basic logic of the strong over the weak. I think this strong over the weak issue is happening in our everyday lives, in our every moment: your parents' words against yours; your colleagues instructions over yours; your bosses' decisions over yours; the librarian telling you you have to pay the full price of the lost book even after a write-in appeal; even to the point of the salesgirl insisting the last piece of item was newly displayed and you had no choice but to take THE last piece.

Then again, for that very last example, you have a choice. You have the power of not buying that item, which was what I did. Well, I exaggerate too much by giving these examples, I guess. Perhaps I see things too micro-ly myself. I should learn to let go, live and let live. Somehow though, the majority of people seem to be the suppressed while our bosses are forever the oppressors.

Well, just dark clouds passing. After the rain, all will be fine.

My new friends now

I used to think that Tiger balm and Axe oil are for old folkies. Never did I imagine myself loving it to the point of addiction one day.

It all started when my GP told me to go buy a bottle of Axe oil to put into some hot water to inhale. It was a cheap an effective way to clear the air passages and blocked sinuses. While I was at the Chinese medical hall, I figured that I might as well get the Tiger balm as well.

Now, I wish I coul take it out as and when to rub it on my nose or chest but I do know that some people are irked by the smell and being the socially conscious me, I won't be doing that any time soon..

The other 'old fashioned' medication was the Nin Jiom. They used to only have it in the thick goowy,liquid format. When it first came out with the herbal candy, I was soooo skeptical about it. I thought it was some 'scam' sweet that they were trying to roll out and cover the different markets. Good marketing strategy but some useless superficial product. Or so I thought.

I was coughing real badly during class on Wednesday and one of my classmates passed me a sweet. The cough stopped completely. It did come back eventually but that is only because my cough is no ordinary cough (read previous posting). To me, it was already VERY effective!!

A visit to the doctor. Finally.

Woah! Never felt so impatient in my life. Usually, when I go to my GP, I would be very patient, knowing that she painstakingly explains to her patients, detail by detail. Maybe it's because I met with boo-boo this morning and so I was rather frustrated at having to wait much longer.

The first patient took a good half an hour before she emerged from the room. The second patient, a man, was already very impatient while waiting. He was pacing back and forth, flipping through magazines without really reading them and fiddling with his handphone, trying to look busy. Maybe HE made me irritated.

He took another half an hour or so. For an impatient man, that was certainly a long time! It was as if he was trying to outdo the previous patient, trying to make sure he gets his money's worth from by stretching his consultation time.

I was cheesed off. I was sick (still am) with my sinuses all blocked up and this intermittent itchy throat that threatens to itch and cough at the most unlikely of times, making me real embarrassed.

Well, by the time got to see the doc, she told me that I have caught the micro plasma virus, the virus that the other doc behind my house was warning me about. He had told me that the kids are having it but he did not diagnose me as a carrier??!

My doc told me if I delayed treatment some more, I might have gotten pneumonia. Scary. Plus, when I told her I was prescribed oral steroids of sorts (not the first time since I have bronchitis and asthma history), she told me that it is less harmful inhale than to have oral steroids.

Personally, I think both are no good but I guess it is a case of 'no choice'. No wonder I have been getting palpitations as the oral steroids gives me that. It was terrible. I was walking uphill and felt like I could not breathe properly and was going to die!! That was the other thing that the other doc behind my house did not tell me. It was not the first time I was taking that particular medicine, but I think it's a doc's duty to repeat every time they prescribe.

I am back on the inhaler and no, it is not Ventolin. It is Symbicort and it is NOT cheap. Burnt a big hole in me pocket.

Anyhow, doc' orders are to stay at home to rest for the rest of the week and if I do not recover by next week (still feeling out of breath) then I have to go back to her again. This time, I better either see the time properly or call first to ask.

What time?

I am now stuck at home, waiting to go see my GP (general practitioner). You see, unlike most GPs, my doc has weird timings. When her husband, the paediatrician is around, she is usually not, unless it was a Monday or Friday morning.

She is usually only around in the afternoons and the annoying thing is that the clinic is closed on weekends. She is pro-family and having their own business means that they can manage their time, the way they want it.

I got this all wrong and last Friday, I almost went and see her in the afternoon. I would have been disappointed then. Today, I thought I had gotten it right and in my state of blur-ness from all that antihistamine, I went down straight. Note that she is far from my house; Hougang to be exact, but I still prefer to go to her as I have been seeing her for goodness knows how long. I think it was since my Secondary school days.

Well, as you may have already guessed, I was disappointed and now have to wait till after two to go and see her again, wasting petrol and time. The only consolation is that I got to eat all my breakfast, which I later offered to the porcelain God, if you know what I mean. This is not good. I feel terrible. I want to be well again so that I can do normal stuff and not go about feeling all blur and weak.

What a week (as I do not know how else to name this post)

It has been a crazy week so far, and I mean crazy. My cough would not go away and I talk with hardly any voice. Then last night, my car had the bad luck of going over this big metal plate with a nail and make me panic and call AA to replace a flat tyre.

It was something most unfortunate and I wished, one I would never encounter (having a flat tyre while driving, that is). It had to happen somehow. Just like the other time, a long time ago, when I said, I would never be caught dead without a foldable umbrella in China because their toilets have no doors. I was caught without a foldable umbrella when I went o China and I used toilets with no doors.

Well, all I can say is that I survived. I survived the door-less toilet and I survived the wait for the AA man to come change my tyres.

All these, and studies; rushing around like a mad dog and nursing my cough, I am glad that I passed my first module with not-so-bad results at all. Well, it is not a difficult module at all. After this module, the holiday ends and the (hopefully not) nightmare begins.

I wish the weekend will come soon! Going to my cousin's house again. This time, I am going for a sleepover. Haven't done that in years! The last sleepover...well, let's just say we had an adventure. Hahaha!